THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

                         In Politically Correct Style


          On   the  12th  day  of  the  Eurocentrically  imposed  midwinter
          festival,  my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous
          relationship gave  to me    TWELVE males  reclaiming their  inner
          warrior through  ritual drumming,  ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the
          18-member pit  orchestra made up  of members in good  standing of
          the Musicians Equity Union as  called for in their union contract
          even though they will not be asked  to play a note),  TEN melanin
          deprived testosterone-poisoned  scions of the  patriarchal ruling
          class system  leaping,   NINE persons  engaged in rhythmic  self-
          expression,     EIGHT economically  disadvantaged  female persons
          stealing  milk-products from  enslaved  Bovine-Americans,   SEVEN
          endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,    SIX
          enslaved   Fowl-Americans  producing   stolen  non-human   animal
          products,   FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced
          domestic  incarceration,     (NOTE  after members  of  the Animal
          Liberation Front  threatened to throw  red paint at  my computer,
          the   calling  birds,  French   hens  and  partridge   have  been
          reintroduced  to their native  habitat. To avoid  further Animal-
          American  enslavement,  the  remaining   gift  package  has  been
          revised.)   FOUR  hours  of   recorded  whale  songs,       THREE
          deconstructionist  poets,  TWO  Sierra Club calendars  printed on
          recycled  processed tree  carcasses,  and...     ONE Spotted  Owl
          activist  chained to  an old-growth  pear  tree. Merry  Christmas
          Happy  Chanukah.   Good  Kwanzaa  Oh,  heck!  Happy  Holiday!!!!*
          *Unless,  of course, you  are suffering from  Seasonally Affected
          Disorder (SAD).  If  this be  the  case, please  substitute  this
          gratuitous call for celebration with a suggestion that you have a
          thoroughly adequate day.  

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