Abbott and Costello Talk Computers

 
    Costello: Hey, Abbott!
    Abbott: Yes, Lou?
    Costello: I just got my first computer.
    Abbott: That's great, Lou. What did you get?
    Costello: A Pentium II-400, with 128 Megs of RAM, a  8.4-Gig hard
    drive, a 56K modem, and a 24X CD-ROM.
    Abbott: That's terrific, Lou.
    Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!
    Abbott: You will in time.
    Costello: That's exactly why I'm here to see you.
    Abbott: Oh?
    Costello: Yes! I heard that you're a real computer expert.
    Abbott: Well, I don't know . . .
    Costello: Yessir-EE. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
    Abbott: Really?
    Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
    Abbott: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?
    Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that
    you should be very careful how you turn it off.
    Abbott: That's true.
    Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to
    turn it off. What do I do?
    Abbott: Well, first you press the Start button, and then . . .
    Costello: No, I told you I want to turn it off.
    Abbott: I know, you press the Start button . . .
    Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it Off. I know how to start it.
    So tell me what to do.
    Abbott: I did.
    Costello: When?
    Abbott: When I told you to press the Start button.
    Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
    Abbott: To shut off the computer.
    Costello: I press Start to stop?
    Abbott: Well, Start doesn't actually stop the computer.
    Costello: I knew it! So what do I press?
    Abbott: Start.
    Costello: Start what?
    Abbott: Start button.
    Costello: Start button to do what?
    Abbott: Shut down.
    Costello: You don't have to get rude!
    Abbott: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.
    Costello: Then say what you mean.
    Abbott: To shut down the computer, press . . .
    Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
    Abbott: Then what do you want me to say?
    Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to
    press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no
     one in their right mind presses the "Start" to Stop.
    Abbott: But that's what you do.
    Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
    Abbott: Don't be ridiculous.
    Costello: I'm being ridiculous? Well, I think it's about time we started
    this conversation.
    Abbott: What are you talking about?
    Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.