Pastor Search Committee Report
In our search for a suitable pastor, the following scratch
sheet was developed for your perusal. Of the candidates
investigated by the committee, only one was found to have the
necessary qualities. The list contains the names of the
candidates and comments on each, should you be interested in
investigating them further for future pastoral placements.
NOAH. He has 120 years of preaching experience, but no converts.
MOSES. He stutters; and his former congregation says he loses his
temper over trivial things.
ABRAHAM. He took off to Egypt during hard times. We heard that he
got into trouble with the authorities and then tried to lie his
DAVID. He is an unacceptable moral character. He might have been
considered for minister of music had he not fallen.
SOLOMON. He has a reputation for wisdom but fails to practice
what he preaches.
ELIJAH. He proved to be inconsistent, and is known to fold under
HOSEA. His family life is in a shambles. Divorced, and remarried
to a prostitute.
JEREMIAH. He is too emotional, alarmist; some say a real pain in
AMOS. Comes from a farming background. Better off picking figs.
JOHN. He says he is a Baptist but lacks tact and dresses like a
hippie. Would not feel comfortable at a church potluck supper.
PETER. Has a bad temper, and was heard to have even denied Christ
PAUL. We found him to lack tact. He is too harsh, his appearance
is contemptible, and he preaches far too long.
TIMOTHY. He has potential, but is much too young for the
JESUS. He tends to offend church members with his preaching,
especially Bible scholars. He is also too controversial. He even
offended the search committee with his pointed questions.
Furthermore, we heard he tore up a church once.
JUDAS. He seemed to be very practical, cooperative, good with
money, cares for the poor, and dresses well. We all agreed that
he is just the man we are looking for to fill the vacancy as our
Thank you for all you have done in assisting us with our
Pastoral Search Committee chairman
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