Hymns of the Lukewarm Church

                          God's Frozen People

          The  LukeWarm Church  announces  publication of  "Church  Songs,"
          whose  title, according  to the  editor, was  chosen  because "We
          didn't want  to turn anybody  off with threatening words  that no
          one understands anymore like worship  or hymn. People in  today's
          society get kind of uncomfortable with too much talk about things
          like  commitment  and  dedication.  They'd  much  rather  have  a
          religion that they can turn on or off at will.  Our book seeks to
          meet that need."

          Sample contents:

          * A Comfy Mattress Is Our God
          * Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
          * Above Average is Thy Faithfulness
          * Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
          * All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name
          * My Hope is Built on Nothing Much
          * Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
          * My Faith Looks Around for Thee
          * Be Thou My Hobby
          * O God, Our Enabler in Ages Past
          * Blest Be the Tie That Doesn't Cramp My Style
          * Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
          * He's Quite a Bit to Me
          * Oh, How I Like Jesus
          * I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviors on Jesus
          * Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
          * I Surrender Some
          * Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
          * I'm Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
          * Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord is Come
          * Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus
          * Special, Special, Special
          * Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere Near Me
          * Stick Nearby, It's Getting Dark Outside
          * Take My Life and Let Me Be
          * There is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
          * There Shall be Sprinkles of Blessings
          * What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
          * When Peace, Like a Trickle
          * When the Saints Go Sneaking In
          * Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following
          * God of Taste, and God of Stories
          * Lift Every Voice and Intellectualize  Hymns for the Aging 
          * Precious Lord, Take my Hand (And Help Me Get Up)
          * It is Well with My Soul (but my back hurts)
          * Nobody Knows the Trouble I have Seeing
          * Amazing Grace (Considering My Age)
          * Just a Slower Walk With Thee
          * Count Your Many Birthdays, Name Them One by One
          * Go Tell It on the Mountain (And Speak Up)
          * Give Me that Old Timers Religion
          * Blessed Insurance
          * Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah (I've forgotten where I parked)