Forrest Gump Makes It to Heaven


               Forrest Gump died  and went to Heaven.   When he got  to the
          pearly gates, Saint Peter  told him that new rules were in effect
          due  to the  advances in education  on Earth.   In order  to gain
          admittance  a   prospective  heavenly  soul   must  answer  three
          questions.

          1. Name two days of the week that begin with the letter T.
          2. How many seconds are in a year?
          3. What is God's first name?

          Forrest thought for a few minutes and answered, "The two days  of
          the week  that begin with  T are Today  and Tomorrow.   There are
          twelve seconds in a year.  And God has two first names.  They are
          Andy and Howard."

               Saint Peter said, "Okay, I'll  buy Today and Tomorrow.  Even
          though it's  not the answer  I expected, your answer  is correct.
          But how did  you get twelve  seconds in a  year, and why did  you
          ever think that God's first name is either Andy or Howard?"  

               Forrest responded, "Well,  January 2nd, February 2nd,  March
          2nd and so on."

               "OK, I'll  give you that  one, too," said Saint  Peter, "but
          what about the God"s first name stuff?"

               Forrest said, "Well, from the song, Andy walks with me, Andy
          talks with me,  Andy tells me I  am his own.  And the prayer, Our
          Father, who art in Heaven, Howard be thy name."

               Saint Peter let him in without further ado.