changing The Religious Light Bulb


          HOW MANY BAPTISTS does it take to change a light bulb?
          Change? Who said anything about change?

          HOW MANY CALVINISTS does it take to change a light bulb? 
          None: God has predestined when the light will be on.   Calvinists
          do not change light bulbs.  They simply read the instructions and
          pray that  their light bulb will be the  one that has been chosen
          to be changed.

          HOW MANY CATHOLICS does it take to change a light bulb? 
          None. They use candles.

          HOW MANY CHARISMATICS does it take to change a light bulb? 
          Ten: One to change  the bulb and nine to pray  against the spirit
          of darkness.

          HOW  MANY INDEPENDENT  FUNDAMENTALISTS does it  take to  change a
          light bulb? 
          Only one, because more might result in too much cooperation.

          HOW MANY LIBERALS does it take to change a light bulb? 
          At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the
          light bulb exists. Even if  they can agree upon the  existence of
          the light  bulb, they  still might  not change  it, to keep  from
          alienating those who might use other forms of light.

          HOW MANY  MEMBERS OF AN ESTABLISHED BIBLE-TEACHING CHURCH THAT IS
          OVER 20 YEARS OLD does it take to change a light bulb?
          One to actually  change the bulb, and  nine to say how  much they
          liked the old one.

          HOW MANY METHODISTS does it take to change a light bulb? 
          This  statement was  issued: "We  chose not  to make  a statement
          either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However,
          if in your  own journey, you have  found that a light  bulb works
          for you, that's fine.  You are invited to write a poem or compose
          a modern dance  about your personal relationship  with your light
          bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next
          month at  our  annual  light-bulb  Sunday service,  in  which  we
          explore   a   number    of   light-bulb   traditions,   including
          incandescent, fluorescent,  three-way, long-life,  and tinted-all
          of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."        

          HOW MANY NEO-ORTHODOX does it take to change a light bulb? 
          No one  knows. They can't  tell the difference between  light and
          darkness.

          HOW MANY SOUTHERN BAPTISTS does it take to change a light bulb?
          At least 109:   7 on the Light Bulb  Task Force Sub-committee who
          report to the 12  on the Light Bulb Task Force,  appointed by the
          15 on the Trustee Board.  Their recommendation is reviewed by the
          Finance Committee Executive  of 5, who place it on  the agenda of
          the 18-member Finance  committee. If they  approve, they bring  a
          motion  to the  27  member  Church  Board,  who  appoint  another
          12-member review  committee.  If  they recommend that  the Church
          Board  proceed, a  resolution is  brought  to the  Congregational
          Business Meeting. They appoint another 8-member review committee.
          If  their  report  to the  next  Congregational  Business Meeting
          supports the  changing of  the light  bulb, and the  congregation
          votes in  favor, the responsibility  to carry out the  light bulb
          change is  passed on to the Trustee Board,  who in turn appoint a
          7-member committee  to find  the best price  on new  light bulbs.
          Their  recommendation of  which hardware  store has the  best buy
          must then be  reviewed by the 23-member Ethics  Committee to make
          certain   that  this  hardware   store  has  no   connections  to
          Disneyland. They  report  back  to  the Trustee  Board  who  then
          commissions the Trustee in  charge of the janitor  to ask him  to
          make  the change.  By then  the janitor  discovers that  one more
          light bulb has burned out.

          HOW MANY TELEVANGELISTS does it take to change a light bulb?
          One. But for the message of light to continue, send your donation
          today or call our toll free line and place your donation  on your
          credit card.

          HOW MANY WORSHIP LEADERS WHO USE GUITARS does it take to change a
          light bulb?
          One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

          HOW MANY YOUTH PASTORS does it take to change a light bulb?
          Youth pastors aren't around long enough for a light bulb  to burn
          out.

          HOW MANY NEW AGERS does it take to change a light bulb?
          Exactly 100 all meditating  at the exact same time for  the exact
          duration of time with the exact same meditative spiritual thought
          until there is illumination.  If it doesn't work this year, there
          is always next year.

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