Church Wisdom



          There  is  the  story of  a  person  who got  up  one  Sunday and
          announced to  his congregation: "I  have good news and  bad news.
          The  good news  is,  we have  enough  money to  pay  for our  new
          building program. The bad news  is, it's still out there in  your
          pockets."

          While driving  in Pennsylvania,  a family caught  up to  an Amish
          carriage.  The owner  of the  carriage obviously  had a  sense of
          humor, because attached  to the back of  the carriage was a  hand
          printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass
          - Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

          A Sunday School  teacher began her lesson with  a question, "Boys
          and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air.
          "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you
          know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in
          Heaven... "

          A minister waited  in line to have  his car filled with  gas just
          before a long holiday weekend. The  attendant worked quickly, but
          there  were many  cars  ahead of  him  in  front of  the  service
          station.  Finally, the  attendant motioned  him  toward a  vacant
          pump. "Reverend," said the young  man, "sorry about the delay. It
          seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for
          a long trip." The minister chuckled,  "I know what you mean. It's
          the same in my business."

          People want  the front of the bus; back  of the church and center
          of attention.

           ------------------------------------------ Somebody once figured
          out  that  we   have  35  million  laws  trying   to  enforce  10
          commandments.          ------------------------------------------
          "Somebody has well said that  there are only two kinds  of people
          in the world  - there are those  who wake up  in the morning  and
          say, "Good morning, Lord. Then there are those who wake up in the
          morning     and    say,     "Good     Lord,    it's     morning."
          ------------------------------------------ A minister  parked his
          car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was  short of
          time and  couldn't find a space  with a meter.  So he put  a note
          under the windshield  wiper that read: "I have  circled the block
          10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE
          US OUR TRESPASSES."  When he returned, he found a citation from a
          police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for
          10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US
          NOT INTO TEMPTATION."

          A father was approached by  his small son, who told him  proudly,
          "I know  what the  Bible means!" His  father smiled  and replied,
          "What  do you  mean, you  'know' what the  Bible means?"  The son
          replied, "I  do know!"  "Okay," said his  father. "So,  Son, what
          does the Bible  mean?" "That's easy, Daddy. It  stands for Basic
          Information Before Leaving Earth."

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