The Logan County Hill-Billy Preacher


               Let me  tell you  the story of  the Logan  County hill-billy
          that thought  he  was called  to  preach. When  he spoke  to  the
          brethren at Church, they told him that he would have to submit to
          an examination, to which he readily agreed.

               "Brother Fraley, can you read," he was asked.

               "Yes, I can read readin', but I can't read writin'," was his
          answer.

               "Well, do you know your Bible?"

               "Yes, I  shore 'nouf do;  in fact, I  am pretty good  in the
          Bible. I know  my Bible from lid  to lid, from kivver  to kivver,
          and from Generations to Revolutions."

               "What part of the Bible do ya like best?"

               "Well sir, I like the New Textamint."

               "What book then do ya like best?"

               "I like the book of Parables."

               "Which of the parables do you like best?"

               "I like the parable of the Good Cemeterian the best."

               "Well, tell us about the Good Samaritan."

               "Once upon a time a man went down from Jerusalem to  Jericho
          and fell among thorns and they grew up and choked him. So he went
          on and didn't have any  money and met the Queen of Sheba who gave
          him a  thousand talents  of gold  earrings and  100 chances  on a
          horse. He got into his  chariot and drove furiously and while  he
          was driving under a tree, his hair  caught among the limbs and he
          hung there  three days and  three nights. The ravens  brought him
          food to eat  and water to drink.  One night while he  was hanging
          there, his wife came along and  cut his hair, and he fell  on the
          stony ground where it rained forty days  and forty nights. He hid
          himself in a cave  where he met a man who  said 'come have supper
          with  me' to whom he said 'I have  married a wife and cannot come
          now.' So  the man went into the highways and byways and compelled
          him to come and have supper with him. After supper, he  went into
          Jericho and  sitting in a high  window was Jezebel. When  she saw
          him,  she laughed, and  they flang her down  from the window. And
          they  flang her  down, and they  flang her  down some  more. They
          flang her down some more, until 70 times 70 and seven times more,
          and the fragments they picked up  were 12 baskets shook down  for
          good measure  full. Now  whose wife  is she  going to  be in  the
          judgment  because she  brake in pieces  and multiplied?  Amen and
          Hallelujah!"

               The examiners sat in silence  for a few minutes. Finally one
          of them said, "These am some  thoughtful delineations our brother
          has pronounced to us. I recommend that he be accepted unanimously
          as our  new preacher, because he shore do  know Bible from lid to
          lid,  from  kivver to  kivver,  and all  about  Generations clean
          through to Revolutions.