A Flourish Of PUNishment

      
             A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

     A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was
     a weapon of math disruption. 

     The two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged. 

     Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

     What did the grape  say when it got stepped  on? Nothing - but it  let
     out a little whine.

     The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in
     his work.

     To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

     A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end
     of his sentence.

     The couple who met in a revolving door are still going round together.

     There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

     The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

     A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

     While training to work at Coca Cola he was given a pop quiz.

     The queen's favorite chef was knighted Sir Loin.

     A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his
     grandmother  telephoned to ask  how he  was a  nurse said,  "No change
     yet."

     What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

     The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

     Every calendar's days are numbered.

     It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.

     A scientist doing a large  experiment with liquid chemicals was trying
     to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.

     A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

     Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

     Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

     If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

     Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

     There was a guy who  was fired from the orange juice  factory for lack
     of concentration.

     His  girlfriend wanted him to slow  down the car, but  he put his foot
     down.

     When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.

     A  grenade thrown into  a kitchen in  France would  result in Linoleum
     Blownapart.

     I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.