Job Descriptions


          An accountant  is someone  who knows the  cost of  everything and
          the value of nothing.
          An auditor is  someone who arrives after the  battle and bayonets
          all  the wounded.
          A banker is a fellow  who lends you his umbrella when  the sun is
          shining and  wants it back  the minute  it begins to  rain. (Mark
          Twain)
          An  economist is an expert who  will know tomorrow why the things
          he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
          A statistician  is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the
          personality to be an accountant.
          An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane,  because
          that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the
          plane.
          A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know  you
          had in a way you don't understand.
          A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black
          cat which isn't there.
          A  topologist is a man who  doesn't know the difference between a
          coffee cup and a doughnut.
          A lawyer is a person who writes  a 10,000 word document and calls
          it a "brief."
          A  psychologist  is  a  man  who watches  everyone  else  when  a
          beautiful girl enters the room.
          A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
          A  consultant is someone who  takes the watch  off your wrist and
          tells you the time.
          A diplomat  is someone who can tell  you to go to hell  in such a
          way  that you will look forward to the trip.