The Education Of A Father By His Children


          These are  bits of wisdom gained by a  father who was educated by
          his rather active children.

          1.  There is no such thing as child proofing your house.
          2.   A four  year  old's voice  is louder  than 200  adults in  a
          crowded restaurant.
          3.  If you hook a dog leash  over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
          strong  enough  to  rotate  42  pound  boy  wearing  pound  puppy
          underwear and a Superman cape.
          4.  Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
          5.  A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
          6.   The glass  in  windows (even  double  pane) doesn't  stop  a
          baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
          7.  When you  here the toilet flush  and the words "uh-oh" it  is
          already too late.
          8.  Brake fluid mixed with Chlorox makes smoke, lots of it.
          9.   A six year old boy  can start a fire with  a flint rock even
          though a 36 year old man says it can only be done in the movies.
          10. If  you use a waterbed  as home plate while  wearing baseball
          shoes, it does not leak...it explodes.
          11. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square
          foot house almost 4 inches deep.
          12. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 year old.
          13. Duplos will not.
          14. Playdough  and microwaves  should never be  used in  the same
          sentence.
          15. Super glue is forever.
          16. A VCR does not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, even
          though TV commercials show they do.
          17. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
          18. Marbles in a gas tank make lots of noises when driving.
          19. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
          20. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
          21.  The  spin  cycle  on  the  washing  machine  does  not  make
          earthworms dizzy.
          22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
          23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
          24. A good sense  of humor will get you through  most problems in
          life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).