Bill Me?


          There are  these two ducks hanging  around beside a  lake, a lady
          duck and a gentleman  duck, and it's the mating season.   The man
          duck starts prodding her with his  beak and she says, "Here, what
          do you think you're doing? Haven't you any subtlety?"
               He says, "Oh, don't you want to, then?" 
               She says, "Well,  not here, there's people  watching.  Let's
          go to a hotel for the afternoon, like everyone else." 
               He says, "Where's a hotel, then?" 
               She says, "There's one there on the  other side of the lake.
          Don't you know anything?" 
               So they fly across the lake and  plod into the hotel and she
          says, "Go on, ask him for a room." 
               So the man duck says to the receptionist, "Quack!  We want a
          room for the afternoon, please.  We're on our honeymoon." 
               The  receptionist  says,  "Certainly  sir;  room  22  'quack
          quack'], here's your key."
               So the ducks get  in the lift and go up  to the second floor
          and let themselves into their room.   No sooner have they got  in
          there than he  starts prodding her with his beak  again and after
          a while she says, "Hang on a minute. You got a condom?"
               "What?" he says. 
               "A  condom! this  is ridiculous.    I'm not  going to  do it
          without a condom."
               "Oh. Well, er, where are we going to get one?"
               "Haven't you had any education?" she says. Ring room service
          and ask them to send one up." 
               "How do I ring room service?" 
               "For crying out loud!  Dial 0 and ask for room service." 
               So he knocks the  receiver off the hook, prods the  0 on the
          phone with  his beak  and asks  for room  service, and  when they
          answer, he says,   "Quack!  I'd  like a pot of tea  for two; some
          scones; a couple of  slices of  cake; the evening paper; and, er,
          a condom." 
               "Certainly sir," says room service. "That'll be  with you in
          10 minutes."
               So the  ducks hang around for  a few minutes looking  out at
          the lake,  and then there's a knock and  the lackey comes in with
          the tray.  He  puts the tray down on the  table, fishes something
          out of his pocket  and  says, "There's your tea, sir, and  here's
          your condom.  Shall I put it on your bill?"
               "Certainly not," says  the duck. "What do you think  I am, a
          pervert?"