Signs Of Menopause


          You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

          Your husband jokes  that instead  of buying a  wood stove, he  is
          using you to heat the family room this winter.

          Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.

          You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

          The  phenobarbital  dose that  wiped out  the heaven's  gate cult
          gives you four hours of decent rest.

          You change your underwear after every sneeze.

          You're on so much estrogen that you take your brownie troop  on a
          field trip to Chippendale's.