The Perks of Being Over 40


          Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

          In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

          No one expects you to run anywhere.

          People call you at 9 pm and ask, "did I wake you?"

          People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

          There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

          Things you buy now won't wear out.

          You can eat dinner at 4 p.M.

          You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

          You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

          You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

          You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

          You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

          You quit trying to hold your stomach in, regardless  of who walks
          into the room.

          You sing along with elevator music.

          Your eyes won't get much worse.

          Your investment in  health insurance is finally  beginning to pay
          for itself.

          Your  joints are more  accurate meteorologists than  the national
          weather service.

          Your  secrets  are  safe  with your  friends  because  they can't
          remember them either.

          Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. 

          You can't remember who sent you this list.